Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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