Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
