The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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