I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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