my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
