I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
