If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
