I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
