Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
