im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've blown a few things in my day
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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