im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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