Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
