Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
