don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
