I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
