I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
