Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
