i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
