I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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