not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
