he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
