if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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