So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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