Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
