I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
