About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
