when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
