i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
