It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
