Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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