woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
