Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
