somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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