Will you blow on my dice?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
