We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I party with great urgency now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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