I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
