You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
