so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
