Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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