i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
