i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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