i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
