I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
