So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
