Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
