I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
