There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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