you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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