I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
