the condom got lost in my hair
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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