so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
