you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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