I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
