If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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