Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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