Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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