Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
