i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
