I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
