if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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