Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Enjoy the penises
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
