so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
