im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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