So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize