it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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