Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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