Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
