Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
