He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My feet surprised me
Randomize