my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
