he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
